Back after 9 days visiting friends and family in Arizona (me) and Colorado (Ken). A good visit and great to see everyone at Christmas, but glad to be home again. Tonight we'll usher in 2004 with LT and Mark and dinner at Cafe Delux. A new year awaits us full of amazing possibility and an unending to-do list, one the result of the other. In just 3 and a half months, this life as we know it will change forever ...

Future Moon grows ever upward and outward. My bellybutton is beginning its transformation from innie to outie, and it's getting harder not to waddle. And I've still got 16 weeks to go ... which is starting not to seem so far away after all.

Among the many tasks that lie before us: finishing (OK, *starting*) the nursery, finding day care (gotta get on those waiting lists) and choosing names. This is no easy decision. After all, you're stuck with your name for life, or at least until you're old enough to go to court and change it. We want something normal, even a little old-fashioned. For a girl, that means nothing Top 10 trendy (no Britney or Ashley). No last names or boy names as first names (no Taylor or Mackenzie). And I'd like a name that's not too overused. Once Rachel named her baby "Emma" on "Friends," that was the end of using that name. And some names just don't work with "Moon" -- like April or Bruce. Sigh.

In addition to the belly, the baby is making itself known with frequent and increasingly vigorous movement. Serious Squirmy Baby Tum. At least we know the legs are working!

I feel like I am getting bigger by the minute, like I've swallowed a basketball. I really can't fathom how gi-hugic I'm going to be at the end, still 4 months away.

Meanwhile, made the inaugural run to Babies 'R' Us with LT and set up a registry. I don't understand how babies need so much stuff. It's mind-boggling. Women have been raising children for thousands of years without bouncy chairs — and still are in most parts of the world. I think maybe I'll just start with a car seat, stroller and some clean diapers and work my way up from there.

I just found out a guy I used to date had died. It happened two weeks ago. He was 34. I guess you could say he was my first serious adult relationship, if you consider a college freshman an adult. We were friends first, and then I went away to college, and he wrote long letters, nearly every day, and called for hours, and made me a video, and even though we were 1,500 miles apart, we became more than friends. I saw him over my Christmas break. We got stranded together in a sketchy part of Phoenix on New Year's Eve when no taxi would come for us, and had to call my mom at 2 a.m. for a rescue ride. He visited me at school for Mardi Gras. Then I came home for the summer and he broke my heart. Later, we were friends again. I saw him sometimes when I came home for Christmas, if he was in town. He moved around a lot. Eventually, we lost touch. I haven't seen him in at least 5 years. His death doesn't seem real to me. It's more like he's still out there somewhere, looking for whatever he was trying to find.

May you find peace, Mika, wherever you are.

We don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl. It's the first thing everyone asks when they find out (or, lately, notice) that I'm pregnant. We could know, and with the amnio results, unlike ultrasound, we'd be 100% sure. But we're bing old-fashioned. I want to find out when I meet this new person for the first time. That's when we'll know our child's name, too. It's another reason why I don't want to know the gender yet. I'm not comfortable talking about painting "Susie's" room or buying clothes for "Bobby." This baby is very real — the thumping going on in my abdomen makes sure of that — but there is no Susie until I look her in the eyes. No Bobby until I hold him in my arms.

I know some people think Starbucks is a gigantic soul-sucking corporation, but I do love me a gingerbread latte.